


High Holy Days mini-series

by irena_adler



Series: Watson [73]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Family Drama, Family Feels, Jewish Holidays, Kid Fic, Multi, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7384162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irena_adler/pseuds/irena_adler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damaged from the events of 'The High Cost of Education', the extended Eppes family tries to reconnect.  Alan suggests using the traditions and ideals of the Jewish High Holy Days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan wants to make plans for the Jewish High Holy Days.

**Title:** Making Plans **  
**Characters: Will/Don, Charlie/Colby, Nena, Alan **  
**Rating: FRT, PG-13 **  
**Summary:  Alan wants to make plans for the Jewish High Holy Days.  
Part 1 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
****** Disclaimer: Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
****** Feedback: Feed the author!  
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet!  
****A/N:**** This was written for the **daysofawesome**  Jewish Characters challenge.  Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts!  


 

****

Making Plans—

 

“ _Yom Kippur_ , Dad?”Don Eppes asked.“Really?”

“Yes and _Rosh Hashanah_ ,” Alan Eppes said, taking off his glasses and looking at Don.

Don sat down on the couch across from his father.“But, we haven’t done that in years and years.”

“Maybe it’s about time, then.”

“Why?”

“ _Yamim Noraim_ is about seeking and giving forgiveness.”

Don frowned, trying to remember what those words meant, then the rest of what his father said sunk in.“Forgiveness,” he repeated quietly.

Alan nodded.“I think it would be a good thing to do together as a family.”

Don grimaced.Between the fight about the gun lesson two weeks ago and Nena starting school last week, it had been a tough time with his family.Will was still on the outs with Colby and didn’t seem to be trying to change that.Since Alan had admitted his problems with their work with law enforcement, everyone had been cool to him.Nena was tense and edgy, more than could be explained by starting kindergarten.She was like a repeated bombing victim waiting for the next explosion.

As it happened, they had Nena for the next two weeks and weekends, because Jenny was on a trip.Maybe it was a sign.

“I think you’re right,” Don said at last.“What would you like to do?”

Alan blew out a breath.“Okay, this is what I’m thinking.”

 

That night, Alan set the platter of steaks down on the dinner table and addressed the group as he forked out steaks.

“Don probably told you a little about what I’d like to do for the Jewish High Holy Days,” Alan said, putting the smallest steak on Nena’s plate then turning to the others.

“I don’t know that much about Jewish traditions.”He looked at Colby and Will.“As you might guess, as a family we were never that religious.It wasn’t a conscious choice, it just turned out that way.Their mother was the one who grew up with all the religion in her family, not me.So, I don’t really know what I’m doing here.I’ve just read some stuff online and in books.I’m going to pick and choose the parts I want, and probably end up doing some things wrong, but traditions have to start somewhere.”

“We’re in, Dad,” Don said encouragingly.

Charlie said, “Us, too.”

They all knew this wasn’t about traditions or religion as much as bonding as a family.Alan could only hope that this would help them all find a measure of peace and forgiveness.Perhaps even a small creeping of godliness into their lives. _God knows they need it, we all need it,_ he thought wryly.

“I know it’s short notice,” Alan said, “but can you get this Thursday off?”Everyone looked at each other then slowly nodded.

“I already checked and the school will give Nena Thursday and Friday off, since _Rosh Hashanah_ is actually two days, but I think just Thursday is good.

“On Wednesday night, we’ll meet before sundown and light candles, then have dinner.For Thursday, I found a local synagogue that does a ‘Beginner’s Service’ for non-members.It’s at 10AM.Just dress nice.After the service – oh, and make sure you have a good breakfast, it might be a long service – we’ll come back here and I’ll have lunch ready.Then we’ll go on a walk to a park and do _tashlich_ , which is basically throwing crumbs into running water.We’ll talk more about the rest of the week then, okay?

“We’re not going to go full on and do everything, like the fasting and stuff.We’ll take it small.Maybe next year we can plan ahead more.”

He smiled around at his family, seeing the interest and commitment in their faces.He relaxed a little.Maybe this would work, after all and they could start rebuilding what they’d all torn apart.“Now, who wants a baked potato?”


	2. Unpacking Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan unpacks some almost forgotten objects.

**Title:** Unpacking Memories **  
**Characters: Will/Don, Charlie/Colby, Nena, Alan **  
**Rating: FRT, PG-13 **  
**Summary: Alan unpacks some almost forgotten objects.  
Part 2 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
****Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
****Feedback:** Feed the author!  
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet!  
****A/N:**** This was written for the **daysofawesome**  Jewish Characters challenge. Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts! 

 

** Unpacking Memories-- **

Alan carefully lifted the box down from its spot on the garage storage shelf and carried it over to the air hockey table.

He opened the box, coughing a little at the dust that action raised.Underneath a stuffing of newspapers was a rectangular package of bubble-wrap. He unwrapped it and stared at the distantly familiar _challah_ board.

It had been a wedding present from Margaret’s grandmother, a wooden cutting board painted with bright elaborate designs of animals, birds, vines and trees.When they had first gotten married, it had sat on display on the coffee table, but anything remotely breakable had been put away by the time Don was two. They’d gotten it out a few times after that, but Margaret had always been the one to initiate it.Little Charlie had loved that board, would stare at it for hours then try to explain to him and his mother about the Golden Ratio and Fibonacci and magic numbers.

The napkin holders underneath matched the board, as did a bread knife. _Six napkin holders …_ Interesting that six would turn out to be the number in his family, after all.They’d originally planned on more kids, but after the trouble Margaret had experienced with Charlie, that plan had been abandoned.Now, they had five men and a little girl.He wondered what Margaret would think about their family now. 

He smiled wryly and set aside the board, napkin holders and knife.He knew exactly what she would think – ‘If the boys are happy, I’m happy.’Too bad he himself couldn’t make it that simple.

Next out of the box was a red glass plate in the shape of an apple and its matching honey dish.Just what he needed for _Rosh Hashanah_.  It even had a new year's greeting on it.   Following that were multiple pairs of candlestick holders and different kinds of candles.His favorite pair was a gorgeous set of glass and silver holders that Alan’s cousin, Sally, had given them.They had silver bases and silver cups and, in between, silver filigree around an amber glass core.

The candlesticks had been wrapped in a _challah_ cover, made of raw silk backed with velvet.It was dark blue and cream and had Hebrew letters on it, but Alan couldn’t remember what they meant.He better look that up before he used it.

Underneath the candlesticks was a _kiddish_ cup and matching coaster.It was a large ceramic goblet with a colorful, hand-painted landscape of Jerusalem around the bowl and down the thick stem.It came with a matching coaster that had a tiny chip out of one side.Alan remembered Margaret helping a toddler-aged Don take his sip of grape juice from the cup, his tiny hands held inside Margaret’s elegant ones.

Finally, he pulled out the _havdalah_ set that had been the wedding present from Margaret’s grandmother.She’d only lived for a few years after their wedding, but enough to see her first great-grandchild born.Alan carefully dusted off the multi-colored square glass plate with Hebrew letters etched into it – more Hebrew he’d need to look up – and matching candle-holder, goblet, and spice box. _Oh, right, spices …_ He’d have to add that to his shopping list.Good thing he’d already found a Jewish market that had an extensive deli.He didn’t think he was up to cooking a whole feast, along with the other things.

He stared at these things, these remnants of a different life, and felt a terrible emptiness in his chest.He carefully repacked the items and took them into the house.He left the box on the kitchen counter and went to talk to Margaret.  


  


“Hey, honey,” Alan said as he wiped leaves from Margaret’s tombstone.He sat down on a little tripod chair that he kept in the car for this purpose.“Things have been a little tough lately.I wish you were here …”He sighed and stared at her name etched in granite for a long moment.

“You know how we had that long conversation when Don decided to join the FBI?I hated the FBI and everything it stood for.Back when we were young, the FBI were bad guys, at least that’s what we believed.Maybe not as bad as the CIA or others, but definitely not an organization you want your son to become part of.”

He clasped his hands in front of him and frowned.“I remember how you said we have to let the boys follow their own paths.But why have both of our boys’ paths led to violence?Did we do something wrong?And to have both of them fall in love with other violent men?Why?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.I just don’t know.I wish you were here.”

Alan sighed and sat for a moment longer.He hadn’t found answers here, or anywhere else he’d tried.Maybe he could find answers in their upcoming rituals.Or at least be able to look his family in the eye and say that he tried.

* * *

  
What the items Alan unpacks look like -- [challah board and knife](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/239.jpg), [napkin rings](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/RN-2.jpg), [apple plate](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/hn101.jpg), [candlestick holders](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/E-561.jpg), [challah cover](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/zionjudaica.jpg), [kiddish cup](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/33877.gif), [havdalah set](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/UDAHavdalla.jpg) (though the candle is wrong)


	3. Special Roshana Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nena and her family celebrate their first _Rosh Hashanah_.

**Title:** Special Roshana Day **  
**Characters: Will/Don, Charlie/Colby, Nena, Alan **  
**Rating: FRT, PG-13 **  
**Summary: Nena and her family celebrate their first _Rosh Hashanah_.  
Part 3 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
****Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
****Feedback:** Feed the author!  
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet!  
****A/N:**** This was written for the **daysofawesome**  Jewish Characters challenge. Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts! 

  
  


**Special Roshanah Day—** ****

Nena sat and kicked the legs of her chair.She’d been revved up all day.She tried to explain to her teacher, Mr. Gutierrez, what roshana was but she’d gotten it all mixed up.

She could tell that it was a Special Day when Daddy picked her up.Most of the time, Daddy Charlie or Grandpa Alan picked her up and Daddy got home from work later.Mr. Gutierrez thought it was funny that her ‘OK to pick up’ list had six men and two women, only one who had the same last name as Nena.She had tried to explain who everybody was but Mr. Gutierrez had gotten that confused look on his face that most grown-ups did when Nena tried to explain her family.

Nena jumped up from her chair as Daddy walked into the school, but Mr. Gutierrez got to him first.He pulled Daddy aside and started talking about school stuff.She heard the words ‘advanced’ and ‘accelerated.’Nena fidgeted for a few minutes then started dragging at Daddy’s hand.

“Sorry,” Daddy said to her teacher.“ _Rosh Hashanah_ starts tonight and she’s a little excited.”

“I didn’t realize you were Jewish,” Mr. Gutierrez said.

“We’re not,” Daddy said, “But my boyfriend’s family is.”

Mr. Gutierrez’s eyes widened, and he just said, “Oh.”

“Gotta go,” Daddy said, his voice a little funny.

Nena waved and they went out to Daddy’s car.

Daddy didn’t head straight home, but instead said to her, “Today’s a special day and you’re too big for your purple dress now.How about we go get a pretty new dress?”

“Okay!” Nena said, bouncing in her seat.When she went clothes shopping with Grandpa Alan, he was the one who picked out what she tried on.But Daddy let Nena pick out whatever she wanted to try on, and rarely said no on anything.Nena was careful not to pick out too many things, because she knew Mommy took most of Daddy’s money.

“On to the mall, then!” Daddy said and pulled out of the school parking lot.

 

When they got home a while later – they’d ended up shopping for shoes and more school clothes – Daddy said, “Go upstairs and get changed into your new dress, okay?”

Nena dropped her school stuff on the table and hurried upstairs.The dress was hard to put on, but she’d assured Daddy that she could manage the new dress all by herself.She twisted around and got the zipper most of the way up.She twirled in front of the mirror, delighted.The pink skirt part poofed out as she spun.She put some chapstick on her lips and smacked them, like she’d seen Mommy do with her lipstick.

When Nena started down the stairs, the rest of the family was already there.Uncle Don and Uncle Will were helping to set the table and were laughing about something.Daddy was wiping chalk dust from Charlie’s jacket while Charlie told him about something, waving his hands as he talked, until Daddy had to hold on to his arm to get him to stop moving.

It was only the second time they’d all been together since the day after The Yelling.The pretend-happy that always followed the yelling with Mommy was much worse than this had been.This time didn’t have any bad looks behind others’ backs, there weren’t any too-big smiles or fake laughs.This pretend-happy almost felt like before the yelling, like happy-happy.Sometimes she even forgot it was pretend-happy time.

Tonight, especially, it was hard to remember that.Everyone was smiling and dressed in their best clothes, which meant suits for everybody but her.Even Will was wearing a suit, which she’d never seen before.She didn’t really like it when Daddy wore a suit, because that meant he was going to work, but he did look good in it.So did everybody else, though Charlie’s suit was different colors on top and bottom and not as fancy as the rest.

The table was set with a new white tablecloth and all of Grandpa’s fanciest dishes, the ones that she’d only ever seen in the cabinet.She loved the tiny flowers and gold lace on the edges of the plates and bowls.There was something else, covered by a special-looking piece of cloth, and a clear glass bowl with maybe honey.As she watched, Grandpa Alan came out from the kitchen with a red plate full of sliced apples.

“Come sit!” Alan announced, checking his watch.

Nena came the rest of the way down the stairs and everyone smiled and said how good she looked.Daddy called her over and pulled her zipper the rest of the way up.He smoothed down her hair and smiled at her.

Don took out his camera but Alan shook his head.“No time, Charlie calculated the time and we need to start now.”

Nodding, Don put the camera away and went towards the table.He and Will sat on one side of the table and Charlie sat at an end.Daddy sat on the other side.

Nena moved to sit down between Daddy and Charlie but Alan put his hand on her shoulder.“Nena, I have a special thing to ask you to do, because you’re the lady of the house.”

Nena beamed and stood up straighter.

“If you could, please light these two candles, then you and I will say a little prayer together.”

Alan gave her a long match to hold and he lit the end of it with a lighter.She carefully lit two tall white candles on the pretty silver and brown candlesticks.

“Wave your hand like this,” Alan said, demonstrating. “Like you’re bringing the light towards your face.”

Nena did, smelling the hot wax and burning fire.

“Now, cover your eyes with your hands, and repeat after me.This is a little long, but hang in there, okay?”

Nena closed her eyes and nodded.

Alan spoke, and Nena attempted to repeat his words, “Bless’d you Lod, ‘re God rulerr of world, who sangktified us through His ‘mmandments and ‘manded us to keendle lights of holy day.Bless’d ‘re you Lod, God ruler of world, Whoz kept us ‘live, ‘stained us, and ‘nabled us to reach seasun.”

She opened her eyes and Alan was giving her a big smile.“Excellent, honey.”He took the candles and set one on each end of the table.

Alan addressed the group.“Whew, just on time!Now we can wish each other _Shana Tova_.It means ‘a Good Year,’ like wishing you ‘Happy New Year.’”

“ _Shana Tova,_ ” all the adults responded.

Nena sat in the chair next to Daddy and pulled on his shirt.“Daddy, doesa mean there’ll be firewurks and we c’n stay up late?”

“No, honey,” Daddy smiled.“That’s the American new year.The Jewish new year starts on a different day.Like how we each have different birthdays, right?”

“Oh!It’s the Jewush year’s birfday!”

“Yep,” Daddy grinned.“But instead of saying ‘Happy Birthday’, we say ‘Good Year’ or _Shana Tova_.”

“Shhaynaytoevay,” Nena said carefully.

“Good job!” Charlie said. “Good job with the prayer, too.”

“’m hungry,” Nena said, looking at the slices of apple on the nearby plate.

“Me, too, sweetie,” Daddy said.“But we need to be patient and not eat until Grandpa Alan tells us when we can eat each thing, okay?This is part of what makes the meal special.”

Nena sighed and ran her finger over the flowers on her plate.

Alan, now sitting at the head of the table, was consulting a piece of paper.After a moment, he nodded and held up a cup Nena had never seen before.“Now I’m going to say _kiddish_ , then we’ll pass around the cup and each take a sip.It’s grape juice.”Alan continued talking, saying more big words in a funny, fancy way, but Nena was more interested in the cup he was holding.It had pretty pictures on it, like a storybook.There was a little plate next to Alan’s place that matched the cup and Nena wondered what that was for.

Nena realized that Alan was done when Charlie and Don said, “Amen,” followed by Daddy and Will saying it.Then, after everyone looked at her, she said it, too.

Alan passed the big cup to Daddy who took a sip and handed it to Nena.He made sure she had a good grip on the heavy cup before letting it go.Nena took a careful sip and passed it onto Charlie.Don and Will took their drink and the cup returned to Alan.

“Okay, now we all need to wash our hands.”

“I washed ‘fore!” Nena insisted.

Alan smiled at her.“Me, too.This is just part of this special meal.”

Nena sighed and got up from the table. She took her turn washing her hands, just barely remembering in time to use a towel to dry her hands instead of her new dress, and returned to her seat.She fiddled with her fork and waited for everyone else to sit down.

When everyone was back, Alan pulled the pretty piece of cloth up to reveal two round loaves of bread.It looked wonderful and Nena leaned forward.

“Don and Charlie will recognize _challah_ ,” Alan said.“Even if not this shape. _Challah_ is usually straight, like a normal loaf of bread, but on _Rosh Hashanah_ it’s round, like a perfect circle, like we want the year to be, a circle that rolls smoothly with no sorrow.”

Alan seemed to say the last words extra strong and everyone else nodded.Alan then sliced the bread and everyone took one piece but just held it.It smelled really good and Nena had a hard time not taking a bite yet.They passed around the clear bowl – it did have honey in it and a dipper.Everyone drizzled honey on their bread with the dipper, passed it on, then waited some more.Without thinking, Nena licked off a drop of honey that had fallen on her fingers, then hoped no one noticed.

After everyone had their bread, Alan said, “Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Ruler of the Universe, who brings forth bread from the earth,” then ate his bread.

Nena quickly bit into hers, it was delicious!

Apples came next, passed around on the red apple plate.The honey dish followed, like the bread.Alan said, “Blessed are you Lord, our God, Ruler of the world, Creator of the fruit of the tree.”He took a bite of his apple then said, “May it be Your will that You renew for us a good and sweet year.”

The bread had only woken up her stomach, so Nena wolfed down her apple slice and licked her fingers.

“You might want to eat a little slower,” Will laughed.

Nena nodded, sad that she hadn’t eaten slow because she now had nothing more to eat, and picked up her napkin.She pulled the white napkin out of the ring and laid it on her lap, like at a fancy restaurant.She studied the brightly-colored napkin ring while Alan brought out more plates.The napkin ring was blue and lots of colors with animals and plants.

Looking up, Nena saw a wide variety of dishes – nothing that looked familiar.Some things smelled and looked good, but others looked really weird.She eyed the food uncertainly.

Charlie said quietly, “Just put a small amount of everything on your plate when it goes by.After each prayer, you don’t have to take a big bite, if you don’t want to.Just take the little bite or lick and then you can get more of what you like later.”

Alan picked up the first serving plate.“Orange slices, coated with almonds and dates,” he said and passed it to Daddy.Nena eagerly took one of the slices and put it on her plate.

Alan said, “May those who want to destroy us be consumed.May You cause a sense of wonder in the eyes of enemies and making them acknowledge Your greatness as Sovereign of the World,” then he took a bite of his orange.

Nena’s slice was really good and she looked forward to the next plate.

“Beet salad with leeks, sour cream, and spices,” Alan said and passed a bowl towards her.This one looked a lot less good, but she put a spoonful on her plate.

“May our enemies be removed.May our misdeeds, our spiritual enemies, be cut down,” Alan said.

Following Alan’s lead, Nena took a cautious nibble of the salad.She didn’t like the beets, but the dressing was good.

Next was ‘pumpkin pancakes’ and ‘May You tear up our negative judgments and may You read our good merits before You.’Nena ate a big bite of the funny pancake.It tasted like cinnamon and pumpkin pie.

Then ‘chicken in pomegranate sauce’ and ‘May it be Your will that our merits be numerous as the seeds of the pomegranate.’She really liked that and ate her whole little serving.

Finally, ‘wild rice pilaf wrapped in grape leaves’ and ‘May we hope for a full year filled with blessings and prosperity.’This one looked really suspicious, but when she opened the green leaf wrapper, the rice inside was a kind that Alan served a lot.

Then it looked like the slow part of the meal was done and everyone dug into the meal with relief.Nena grinned and got more oranges and bread and chicken.

Dinner was wonderful, not just because of the food, but because everyone was talking to everyone else, no one had frowns on their faces, and Alan looked really pleased.Will fed Don an apple covered with honey then gave him a smacking kiss.Don blushed and everyone else laughed.Charlie then promptly picked up an apple slice and did the same with Daddy.They kissed until Alan started complaining.

When the meal was almost over, just when Nena thought she’d burst if she ate any more, Alan brought out a cake.He said it was, “a honey cake with raisins, a little coffee, and lemon glaze.”Nena found out that she had some space in her tummy after all.After everyone was done eating, they each dipped their fingers in a bowl of water.Then Alan said fancy words about God and goodness and never going without food and Nena pushed a raisin around on her plate, getting sleepy with her full stomach.

After dinner, they watched a movie together until Nena fell asleep on Don’s lap and was carried upstairs.

 

The next morning, Grandpa Alan made regular pancakes for breakfast, then Uncle Don and Uncle Will came over.Everyone dressed up in nice clothes again, Nena wearing an old dress that just barely fit after last night’s big meal.They went to a beautiful building with lots of things for Nena to look at, from people wearing funny hats to glass picture windows.She got a crick in her neck from staring up at the fancy ceiling.

She didn’t understand most of the church-meeting stuff, but there were some pretty songs and she liked the special roshanah horn and the faces the man made when he blew it.After the church-meeting, they went back home and had leftovers from last night plus fresh bread.

After lunch, they all put bread crumbs in their pockets and walked down to the park.Nena held Charlie’s hand on one side and Daddy’s on the other and every few steps they would lift her up and she would swing.She wished every day could be like this, though school was fun, too.Everyone was smiling and talking to each other.Alan and Will were in front and talking serious, but not bad-serious, and they were using words that Nena had heard at the church-meeting earlier.

When they got to the park, they went to the stream and threw their bread crumbs into the water and watched them wash away.Nena crouched down and looked for Mr. Frogtree while Alan talked about some people that she didn’t know.But she did understand the part about God not staying mad at someone forever, so they shouldn’t either, and where Alan said that they were throwing away the bad things that they did and felt last year with the crumbs.Nena stood up and made sure that every little crumb was gone from her pockets.Then she inspected the pockets of everyone else to make sure all the bad things had gone into the water and gotten washed away.

Daddy pushed her on a swing while Don and Charlie leaned on the monkey bars and laughed really hard about something.Alan sat on a swing next to Nena and exchanged more church-meeting words with Will.Both of them had that light in their eyes that people got when they were really interested in something, like when Charlie was doing math or Daddy was looking at Charlie.

Nena took the day and hugged it tight, then she filled up her pockets with rocks.She wanted this day to be with her all year.

 


	4. Baking Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will faces defeat in the kitchen.

**Title:** Baking Together **  
**Characters: Will/Don **  
**Rating: FRT, PG-13 **  
**Summary:  Will faces defeat in the kitchen.  
Part 4 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
****Disclaimer:** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
****Feedback:** Feed the author!  
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet!  
****A/N:**** This was written for the **daysofawesome**  Jewish Characters challenge. This is a sequel to **  
**[The High Cost of Education](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/85507.html#cutid1)  
. Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts!  


 

**Baking Together—** ****

Will hissed in frustration.He could make the lightest soufflés, complex Korean dishes, cakes that wouldn’t be out of place in a fine bakery, so why couldn’t he manage a simple egg bread?

His problem with _challah_ wasn’t the dough, it was getting the braid right.He was stubbornly determined to use the 6-strand braid and, even with printed instructions, his efforts were looking more like a Play-doh octopus than a nicely shaped loaf of bread.

“Hey,” Don said.“Let me help you.”

“Right,” Will snapped.“Out of your extensive cooking experience.”

“Out of my luck of having a Jewish grandmother,” Don replied and mooshed the dough back into one ball.“Grandma Mann taught me how to do it.”

“Oh,” Will said in vague apology as he closely watched Don shape six strands out of the dough.

“Mom used to make _challah_ all the time,” Don said, laying the strands out.“I would braid it for her sometimes.”Don began to deftly braid the dough.“I never thought of _challah_ as ‘Jewish,’ just another kind of bread, like rye or sourdough.”

After Don set that loaf aside, Will uncovered a second bowl with more dough.Don braided this loaf more slowly, explaining each move as he went.Don re-covered that loaf and Will took the final dough ball out of a third bowl.

Slowly he duplicated Don’s motions until he had something that looked at least close.He covered it over with a towel as Don nodded.

“We’ll make a Jewish cook out of you yet,” Don smiled.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” Will said, rubbing his hands together.“I may not know much about Jewish traditions, but I do know about feasts, and we’re going to have a traditional _Shabbat_ meal this family will never forget.”

Don laughed.“I’m glad you found something about this that you could connect to.”

“Food?”Will smiled.“Holidays are always about food, regardless of the religion or country.When the Korean New Year rolls around next February, I’ll show you how my people celebrate.”

“‘Your people,’ huh?”Don asked with a smile.

Will held up his hands.“So I claim my Korean ancestry when it suits me.Oh, and don’t forget the Scottish ancestry from my dad’s side.”

Don’s eyes lit up.“Oh Lord, I so want to see you in a kilt.”

Will chuckled.“If you’re very good, maybe I’ll dig mine out and we can go to a Celtic Festival.But I _refuse_ to toss a caber.Almost killed myself trying once.”

Grinning, Don wrapped his arms around Will’s waist.Will mirrored the motion, ignoring his messy hands.“Colby’s background is British, I think, and I think Nena’s mother’s family is Scandinavian, of some kind.”

“Our hodge-podge of backgrounds are a lot like this family,” Will said.“A whole lot of seemingly random pieces coming together to make a whole.”

“Very profound,” Don teased.

“I know, I know,” Will said with a shrug.“Sometimes it takes me over.Thoughts like if we put all of us up on a relationship site somewhere, they’d never put the six of us together.”

“Or even the two of us,” Don said, growing serious.

“No way,” Will said.“Good thing that we relied on demon fate to throw us together.”Will drew Don closer and gave his thanks for that fate in a kiss.

Don pulled a step back, his face crafty.“I, personally, am more interested in what happens when you put Korean and Scottish genes together.”He put on an expression of surprise and looked up and down Will’s body.“Oh!It looks like what you get is a damn fine man.”

Will chuckled.“Who can cook.”

“Even better,” Don grinned, nudging Will back towards a chair.“How long does that dough need to rise?”

“About half-an-hour,” Will said, sitting down and pulling Don towards him.

“Should be plenty of time,” Don said, straddling Will’s legs.

“Think so?”Will responded, wiping his messy hands on Don’s shirt then lifting up that shirt to run light fingers over the warm skin below.

“Yeah,” Don said, taking Will’s face between his hands.“I don’t think you’re gonna last long when I show you what centuries of fine Jewish breeding gets you.”

Will laughed, then Don’s lips were on his and he lost all track of time.


	5. A Feast for Shabbat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family enjoys a spectacular _Shabbat_ meal.

**Title:** A Feast for _Shabbat_ **  
**Characters: Will/Don, Colby/Charlie, Alan, Nena **  
**Rating: FRT, PG-13 **  
**Summary: The family enjoys a spectacular _Shabbat_ meal.  
Part 5 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
****** Disclaimer: Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
****** Feedback: Feed the author!   
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet! ****  
A/N:**** This was written for the Jewish Characters challenge. This is a sequel to ****[The High Cost of Education](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/85507.html#cutid1). Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts!

  
  


**A Feast for _Shabbat_ — **

On Friday afternoon, Charlie’s eyes widened as Will and Don carried a ton of covered dishes and cooking supplies into the house.Charlie was roped into helping and soon Will had completely taken over Charlie’s kitchen.Charlie vaguely offered to help but was relieved when Will waved him off.

Don smiled at Charlie and murmured in his ear, “He’s having a great time.Discovering a whole new cuisine and preparing to wow you all.”

“Okay,” Charlie whispered back.“I’ll be wowed, I promise.”

Don winked at him and turned to get the last load from the car and then head back to work.Charlie escaped the kitchen and went to find out what Nena was doing.

Several hours later, Charlie heard the call for dinner.He looked up from the watercolors he’d been painting with to find that Nena had gotten tired of painting and was now watching TV with Alan.Charlie realized he’d probably gotten a little wrapped up in altering the spectral power distribution of the paint by the application of more water or pigment.

Nena got up from the TV and came to inspect Charlie’s work.“Whuz that?”

“Nothing in particular, I was just studying the spectral emittance of the source in comparison to the radiant flux of the source.”

“Hmm,” Nena said, examining the soggy paper in front of Charlie.“Looks like Koota after he’z roll’d in Mz. Sings fower garden.”

Charlie blinked and looked at his painting.“Yeah, it kinda does.”He adjusted his focus from the physics of the process and could see the back of a muddy dog covered with bits of destroyed plants.He grinned at Nena.“I don’t think I’ll show this to Mrs. Singh.She sees it too often for real.”

Nena nodded in agreement and took Charlie’s hand. “Dinnurr!I’s been smelling it all day!”

“Not all day, since Will has only been here since—”

Nena ignored the correction and pulled Charlie towards the bathroom to wash up.Now that Charlie was paying attention, he realized the house was filled with smells of fresh-baked bread and other delicious aromas.Most he couldn’t place, but they tugged at his memory, making him feel young … and miss his mother.Would she have liked Will? And … Colby?Charlie was afraid to even think the question, considering what his father had said about Colby just a few weeks before. _A man of violence?My Colby?_ Couldn’t his father see that Colby was the gentlest man Charlie knew, except for his father himself?

Charlie cleaned himself from the painting and then had to track down his suit coat.He finally found it in the garage, covered, once again, in chalk dust.When he’d cleaned it up and gotten back into the house, he saw that Don and Colby had arrived from the office.Don had taken a shower and was buttoning up a fresh shirt.Charlie gave Colby a quick welcome home kiss and went to find his tie.

Charlie discovered that his father had set the dining table again with the best silver and china and a new white tablecloth.The _kiddish_ cup was ready, as was the covered _challah_.

Charlie stuck his head into the kitchen to see more food than he thought possible.“Wow,” he said sincerely to Will.“What all did you make?”

Will smiled widely and waved him away.“You’ll find out.Go, sit!”

Nena lit the candles, handling the prayer with more confidence this time, then everyone sat down, unconsciously taking their same seats as they did for _Rosh Hashanah_.Alan said _kiddish_ and they shared the grape juice cup around.Then everyone washed their hands and Alan said the blessing on the _challah_.This time they dipped their _challah_ in salt, but it was still very good.Colby complimented Will on his successful first time making _challah_ and Will and Don shared a secret grin.

Nena looked a little uncertain about going ahead and eating, but Alan reassured her that they could eat as the food came out.Charlie was privately relieved that he didn’t have to ask.

The first dish that Will brought out had them all applauding at the sight.It was a whole fish, a massive salmon complete with head and tail, topped with slices of lemon, lime and star fruit.As Will cut a piece and offered it to Alan, Charlie saw that it was stuffed with something white.

Will served everyone else then sat down and waited for their verdicts.Their appreciation was quick and fervent, even Nena seemed to like it, and Alan asked what the dish was.

“Stuffed Salmon A La Sea-Breeze,” Will responded with a smile. 

“You wouldn’t believe how many steps this thing has!”Don groaned.“First, he made the gefilte fish paste out of …”

“Whitefish, pike, onions, matzo, eggs, spices,” Will supplied.

“Then I have to go to the deli and get salmon and tell them to cut it ‘like a book.’Luckily, the guy knew what I meant.So, I bring back this huge fish and Will seasons it and makes this marinade out of …”

“Mostly garlic and cilantro,” Will said.

“Then it marinates overnight and then he stuffs it with the gefilte fish _then_ he makes this sauce with vegetables and puts it over it and cooks it.”Don gave a dramatic sigh.“After cooking, he dressed it with all these things.Made me tired just watching him.”

Will chuckled.“So sorry to wear you out.”

Charlie smiled to himself, loving how easily Will could bring out Don’s playful side.During Don’s darkest times in the FBI, Charlie had wondered if Don had lost that side completely.He’d been glad to learn that it had just been buried, waiting for the right person to unearth it.

“And what else do we have?”Alan asked and Charlie realized that Will had brought out two other dishes while he’d been distracted with the fish.

“This,” Will said, pointing to a bowl containing a thick, light brown sauce, “is _baba ghanoush_.”

“Baba-what?” Colby laughed.

“ _Baba ghanoush_ ,” Will said.“It’s pureed eggplant and garlic.You dip challah into it.”

“Babaganoosh,” Charlie repeated then got into it, “Babaganoosh, babaganoosh, babaganoosh …”

Nena picked up the chorus and soon they were both chanting and tapping their knives and forks on their plate.

“Okay, okay,” Will laughed.“Would you prefer I called it ‘aubergine salad?’” 

“No, I like babaganoosh,” Charlie grinned.

“Me, too!” Nena cheered.

“How about you taste it, too?”Will teased.

While the _baba ghanoush_ was getting passed around, Will said, “This other one is fried eggplant with a garlic-cilantro-ketchup sauce.”

Charlie took a small portion of the second eggplant dish and poked it dubiously.Nena took a bite of hers and Charlie was embarrassed into trying it himself.His eyebrows rose and he ate the rest and got more.He also dipped his bread into the _baba ghanoush_ and was surprised there, too.He didn’t usually like eggplant, but these dishes didn’t have the bitter taste and seedy texture he expected from eggplant.He thought about complimenting Will on them, but decided to save his compliments until later, when he could put them all together.Will had a big enough head as it was.

When everyone had enjoyed some fish, Will cleared it off and brought out a bottle of Chardonnay from a California winery that Charlie had never heard of and poured each of the adults a glass.He filled Nena’s goblet with white grape juice so she wouldn’t feel left out.He then placed bowls at everyone’s place and brought out the next course, a chicken soup.

It wasn’t a chunky soup, like the chicken soup that Charlie was used to, it was a clear broth with some slivers of carrots and croutons floating on top.He took a careful sip of the hot broth and once again he was seven-years-old and sick with the chicken pox.

He’d been almost eight, and in the midst of some extremely interesting math with a new tutor, when one of the neighbor kids had infected him.He’d cried with frustration at not being able to see the tutor or go outside or see Don.Don had been sent to stay with a friend so he wouldn’t get sick, too.Grandma Mann had come over to be with him when his mom and dad needed to go to work.She’d read him stories, listened to him talk about math, and made him lots of chicken soup, exactly like this.She’d made him wear gloves so he wouldn’t scratch, but also let him watch TV until his head hurt, and had given him several oatmeal baths a day.That was the most time he’d ever had Grandma Mann all to himself and he’d treasured it, at least in retrospect.A seven-year-old expects his grandmother to live forever.

“It’s like my grandma’s,” Charlie said to Colby.

“My grandma had a special chicken soup recipe, too,” Colby smiled.

“Next time I get sick,” Don said to Will.“I want some of this.I think it would cure cancer.”

Will laughed.“Nobel Prize, here I come.”

While they ate their soup, Don and Will asked Nena questions about school.

Charlie snorted at the look of horror on Colby’s face when Nena started talking about a boy she thought was cute. _Just wait until her first boyfriend,_ he thought, then chuckled to himself. _Oh, I pity the boy …_

After the soup, Will cleared the soup bowls – firmly refusing help – and brought out the main course.The first plate had stuffed chicken quarters, decorated with a sprig of green leaves, probably some herb.

“Marinated chicken, stuffed with _kishka_ ,” Will announced.

“Looks wonderful,” Alan said.

“What’s kishka?” Colby asked.

Will answered as he went back into the kitchen, “Not too far off from regular Thanksgiving stuffing –you know, carrots, onions, celery— just with flour instead of bread, plus paprika.”

He returned with a large rectangular pan with a steaming golden-brown dish inside.Then he retrieved another, similar-looking dish.“This is potato _kugel_ , or potato-egg casserole, and broccoli and cauliflower _kugel_.”

There was a busy passing about of plates and serving dishes.Charlie put a large spoonful of each on his plate.Both of the _kugels_ were rich and delicious.The sauce on the chicken was unexpectedly flavorful, with garlic, onions, tomatoes and some spice he couldn’t identify.

“What’s in …?” Charlie asked Will around a mouthful.

“Cumin and basil,” Will said.He was smiling and watching everyone eat, almost basking in the appreciative sounds and faces, as if he’d never heard praise before.

Charlie ate his chicken and watched Will out of the corner of his eye.He’d gotten a sudden and quite unpleasant realization of what Will’s childhood must have been like.At first glance, Will Stevens was indeed ‘scary as Hell,’ as his father had put it, but every so often, Charlie would see behind that part of Will to the extremely uncertain man underneath.Charlie knew there were a lot of wonderful things in his life he took for granted, and one of them was the love of his family.It was good to be reminded every so often of how lucky he was.

Charlie changed his mind about saving up his compliments and said, “It’s all really good.”

Will beamed and said, “Save room for dessert.”

Charlie had a hard time saving that room, but he managed.He knew that Will would come up with something spectacular for dessert.

When everyone finally slowed down, Will got up and cleared the table, once again refusing help.After the plates, he took away the wine glasses.He brought clean ones out and filled them with a dark Zinfandel from the same vineyard as the earlier white. Nena got cranberry-grape juice.Will put the wine bottle away and brought out a serving platter heaped with small rolls that looked familiar to Charlie.

“ _Rugelach_ ,” Will said.“It’s a lot like little cinnamon nut rolls.”

“We had these at Christmas,” Don said, and Charlie nodded in recognition.

“Margaret’s mother used to send us a tin,” Alan nodded.“Now there was a lady who knew how to bake.”

“Oh, yeah,” Charlie agreed.“I loved her apricot _rugelach_.”

“I’ll have to try that,” Will said thoughtfully.

“Mmm,” Don said around a mouthful of crumbs.“’erfect!”

Will returned to the kitchen and brought back a glass serving platter with an elegant chocolate cake on it.The cake was solid-looking and sitting in a bed of dark red sauce.Will had drizzled more sauce in graceful Hebrew letters on the top, and placed red raspberries around the top edge of the cake and around the base.

“Chocolate torte with raspberry coulis,” Will said, setting the cake down.“I hope there’s nothing against raspberries or sauce.The torte just seemed to need something.”

Alan shook his head and Will visibly relaxed.He brought out a gravy boat filled with more raspberry sauce and began cutting up the cake.

“What does it say?” Colby asked.

“‘Shabbat shalom’ or Sabbath greetings.”

Charlie savored his first bite of cake.The dark chocolate cake – torte, Will called it – was dense, rich, and utterly decadent.It might have been too bitter for Charlie, if it weren’t for the sweet raspberry sauce.How would you know that a dish ‘needed something’?Charlie shrugged, consigning it to the large category of ‘things that he didn’t need to understand’ and took another bite of cake.

Lots of good food and conversation later, Alan leaned back from the table and patted his stomach.“With leftovers from this and _Rosh Hashanah_ , we won’t need to cook until after _Yom Kippur_.”

“There’s _cholent_ waiting for lunch tomorrow,” Will said.“That’s slow-cooked beef stew,” he added to the rest of them.

“Wow,” Alan said.“You’ve got it all covered!”

“The man knows how to run an op,” Don grinned and Will laughed.

Charlie, Colby and Nena added their appreciation for Will’s meal, which he graciously accepted, and then talk turned to what they were going to do after supper.It was generally agreed that a walk would be good after this feast.With that decision made, Charlie reached for another _rugelach_.

Much later that evening, Charlie lay in bed, his stomach returned back to its normal shape from being an overstuffed balloon.He propped himself up on an elbow to look at Colby.His big, blond lover was lying on his side with his back to him.His green eyes were closed but Charlie could tell that he was still awake.

Charlie moved closer, kissing Colby’s neck.Colby’s eyes opened and his lips curved into a smile.

“Do you know something?”Charlie murmured.

“Hmm?”

“There’s a Jewish _mitzvah_ or commandment that says you’re supposed to have sex on Friday night.”

“No way,” Colby protested.

“There is,” Charlie said with a grin.“It’s in the _Torah_ , I swear.”

Colby chuckled.“Of all the laws, you decide we need to follow this one?”

“Definitely,” Charlie said, and got up to lock the bedroom door.

* * *

Many thanks to [A Taste of Shabbos by Rebbetzin Esther Winner and Helen Zegerman Schwimmer](http://www.chabad.org/library/howto/wizard.htm/aid/109169/jewish/The-Shabbos-Meal.html).


	6. What Family Means

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Colby contemplates the idea of family.

**Title:** What Family Means **  
Characters:** Will/Don, Colby, Nena **  
Rating:** FRT, PG-13 **  
Summary:**  Colby contemplates the idea of family.  
Part 6 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
Disclaimer: ******Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
Feedback:****** Feed the author!   
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet! ****  
A/N:**** This was written for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/daysofawesome/profile)[**daysofawesome**](http://community.livejournal.com/daysofawesome/) Jewish Characters challenge. This is a sequel to ****[The High Cost of Education](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/85507.html#cutid1). Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts!

 

**What Family Means –** ****

On Saturday afternoon, Colby pushed back from his computer, rubbing his eyes.He’d just spent a while online, emailing some old army buddies that he hadn’t talked to in a long time.He’d been thinking a lot about family the last few days, and the army had been a family to him when he’d needed it. 

The overwhelming ‘family-ness’ of the _Rosh Hashanah_ activities and last night’s _Shabbat_ meal hung with him.How could something so foreign, so different than his upbringing, feel so comfortable?It wasn’t the rituals, it had to be the people.People that, against all odds, against all reason, had become his family now.

As he started to walk down the stairs, Colby spotted Will and Nena sitting at the coffee table, doing some of Nena’s homework. _Who gives homework in kindergarten?_ Shrugging off that thought, Colby automatically checked the room to make sure that Don was there.Nena and Will were never to be alone together.Don was nearby, sitting on the couch with a sports magazine.Colby let out a breath … and then stopped, mid-step.

How long did he plan on doing this?Was he never going to trust Will again?It seemed like Will had learned his lesson, but …

Colby sat down on the stairs and rested his chin in his hands, watching Will and Nena together.

Will was patient with her, more patient than Colby could be sometimes.Will really was a good teacher.Scratch that, Will was a good uncle.He was always doing fun things with Nena, taking his ‘custody’ turns without complaining, treating Nena like the intelligent little girl she was.Until the whole gun thing.Colby sighed, wishing he could go back to that point, back to when he completely trusted Will with his daughter.

_Well, is that it, then?He makes one mistake and he’s out?_ Colby thought about all the mistakes he’d made as a father, the biggest one not insisting on being more a part of Nena’s early years.Yes, he’d lived an unsettled life, often overseas, often in war zones.But, he could have tried harder, could have pushed Jenny for more time.In those years, Nena didn’t seem to blame him for his neglect, she was just happy when she did see him.

Now here he was, in a settled, safe situation, and he was still making mistakes.Will deserved at least as much slack as he gave himself.Forget what Megan said about Will’s childhood, it was just a matter of respect.Colby rubbed his eyes again and got up from the stairs.He needed to talk to Will.And he couldn’t just say a few words and punch him in the shoulder.This was for Nena’s sake as much as anyone’s.He steeled himself and walked down the stairs, towards the coffee table.

As he approached, Will stood up, his eyes flashing over towards Don then back to Colby, almost defiantly.It was as if Will was saying, _See? I’m following your rules.You want to punish me for spending time with her at all?_

“I need to talk with you,” Colby said.

Will’s lips pressed together and his eyes narrowed.He moved to go towards the kitchen and privacy, but Colby shook his head.“Here.”

Will turned back and stood tensely, his weight on the balls of his feet, almost as if he expected an attack.Colby looked at him for a moment, at this man that was so different and so similar to himself. _Where to start?_

“I’ve been … thinking about families,” Colby said at last.“I just emailed some old army buddies and told them about my family here.But …”He swallowed.“But when I say ‘family’ I really should mean it, not just part way.”

Colby looked at Nena, then at Don, then down at his own gripped-together hands.“Real families … Real families forgive each other,” he continued, struggling to keep his voice calm when it wanted to jump with emotion.“Families make mistakes and they fight and they make up and they forgive.”

He met Will’s eyes, trying to read him.“Maybe you and I came from families that weren’t too forgiving of our … choices in life, but we’re making a better family here.”

There was a flickering in Will’s eyes and Will looked away.

“You and me and Nena,” Colby said quietly, “We’re really lucky to become part of a family that does believe in that stuff – love and forgiveness and understanding.It’s about time I stopped acting like a Granger and you stopped acting like a Stevens and we started acting like Eppeses.”

Will looked back up, a smile hovering on his lips.

“Okay,” Colby said with a responding faint smile.“I’m not saying we have to becoming Jewish or short or competitive as Hell, but the good parts, the _family_ parts, yeah.”

Colby looked down at Nena, who was sitting very still, a crayon clenched in her hand.He looked over at Don, who was sitting just as still, as if even breathing would break the moment.

He turned back to Will.“You’re practically my brother, and my own brothers have done a helluva lot worse to me than anything you might do.You don’t stop caring for your brother even if he acts like an a—like a jerk.”He gave a little shrug.“Especially if he acts like a jerk with your best interests in mind.”

“Been called worse,” Will said, his eyes glittering with suspicious moisture.

“I bet so,” Colby said with a wink, then grew serious again.“Someday I might do something awful, much worse than you did.But I’ll need to know that my family will forgive me.”

Will raised his eyebrows.“Got something in mind?”

Colby swallowed a feeling of dread and took refuge in sarcasm, “Yeah, I’m gonna build a race of killer robots to take over the world and have a cat and a monocle.”

“Your cat has a monocle?”

“It’s a one-eyed cat,” Colby shot back and Will chuckled.

“So … friends again?” Colby asked.“No more restrictions.”

Will gave a faint smile.“I’ve always wanted a brother, preferably an older one.”

Colby made a little gesture with his head towards Nena.They needed to make it explicit.

Will nodded and said, “Friends again.”He held out his hand.Colby gripped his hand then impulsively pulled Will into a hug.Will stiffened in surprise then awkwardly hugged him back.

Will pulled back and there were definitely tears in his eyes.Colby looked at Nena, who was sitting there with her mouth open.Don, on the couch, was beaming.

“Maybe you should help Nena with this,” Will said, pointing at the paper under Nena’s hand.“I always forget which is the square and which is the rectangle.”

Colby grinned.“Spend enough time around Charlie and you’ll start to wonder if one plus one really does equal two.”

Will smiled, nodded and went to sit with Don on the couch.Colby sat down on the floor next to Nena.He heard Don speak quietly to Will then set down his magazine and put his arm around him.

Colby smiled at Nena, who was still looking dazed, and said, “You need to find round things for your homework.This coffee table is round, right?”

 


	7. Direct Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alan challenges his assumptions.

**Title:** Direct Questions **  
Characters:** Will/Don, Charlie/Colby, Alan, Nena **  
Rating:** FRT, PG-13 **  
Summary:**   Alan challenges his assumptions.  
Part 7 of the 7 part "High Holy Days" mini-series where the Eppes family tries to reconnect. ** ** **  
Disclaimer:****** Not my characters (except when they are), not my world, making no money. ******  
Feedback:****** Feed the author!  
Warning: The Eppes come out of the (religious) closet!  
 ** **A/N:**** This was written for the daysofawesome Jewish Characters challenge. This is a sequel to ****[The High Cost of Education](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/85507.html#cutid1). Thanks to my betas and my two very helpful content experts!

 

**Direct Questions —** ****

 

  
Alan set up the items needed for _havdalah_ and thought about the conversation that he’d just had.‘No restrictions on Will’ Colby had said.Charlie had looked surprised but pleased.‘What changed?’ Alan had asked.Colby had shrugged and said, ‘Maybe nothing, maybe me.’

So the High Holy Days had already served one of their purposes, reconciling the boys.Alan had felt ashamed that he wasn’t able to give up his own grudges that willingly.He’d felt even more ashamed when Don had told him what Colby had said earlier, about how he, Will and Nena were now part of a family that believed in love, forgiveness and understanding.

He sighed and looked over to Charlie, who was studying something on his laptop.

“Three stars showing yet?” Alan asked.

“Yeah, just now,” Charlie responded, “That’s if we could see the sky through all this light pollution.”

“Okay, good.Go find everyone, please.”Alan studied the printout of the _havdalah_ ritual again, making sure he had all the necessary components – grape juice, goblet, jar with spices, multi-wicked candle, plate and some matches.

Colby, Will, Don and Nena came in from the backyard and went to get cleaned up.From their chatter, they’d been playing yet another version of Nena’s ever-changing Everythingball.Will and Don were debating what kind of ball you could hit the farthest with a baseball bat and Colby was trying to convince Nena that four missed penalty kicks should equal a strike-out.Alan smiled and waited for them to come to the table.

In a few minutes, his family was gathered around the table, cleaner and quieter.Alan nodded at each of them and said, “This is _havdalah_ which separates _shabbat_ from the rest of the week.It’s not too long.”

He checked that they were all paying attention and filled the colorful glass goblet to the brim with grape juice.Striking a match, he lit the four-wicked candle.Then he lifted the goblet carefully, his fingers around the bowl of the goblet, and read nine short bible verses about God and deliverance. He tried to say the words mindfully, not just reciting them, willing them to sink into his bones, into his life.

He continued, “Okay, everyone repeat after me, ‘For the Jews there was light and joy, gladness and honor—so let it be with us. I will raise the cup of deliverance and invoke the Name of the Lord.’”

Everyone stumbled through the words after him, Nena finishing last.

Raising the cup higher, he said, “Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine.”

With his other hand, he picked up the jar of spices – cinnamon sticks, orange rind, cloves.“Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who creates various kinds of spices.”

He handed the spice jar to Will, who was on his left.“Smell it and pass it on.It’s for fortifying the spirit for the week to come.”

Will took a sniff and passed it to Don and on around the circle.Charlie sniffed it and sneezed and everyone tried not to laugh.

Alan took the spice jar back and set it on the table.He looked at the candle and said, “Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who creates the lights of fire.”

“Now everyone put your hands near—not too near—the candle so you can see the glow of it through your fingertips.”It took a moment of shuffling and Nena climbing onto a chair before the bright candlelight lit up everyone’s fingers.

Alan took a moment to enjoy the sight before he spoke again:

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who makes a distinction between sacred and profane, between light and darkness, between Israel and the nations, between the Seventh Day and the six work days. Blessed are You, Lord, who makes a distinction between sacred and profane.

He took a sip of the grape juice, then passed the goblet carefully to Don and said, “Everyone take a sip of the juice.”

When the goblet was passed around, Alan took the candle from its holder and held it over the small plate.He poured the last bit of the juice over the candlewicks, dousing the flame.“Everyone put your fingertips in the juice,” he said, trying not to mind when the juice got splashed onto the white tablecloth.“And say, ‘Have a good week!’”

“Have a good week!” they all chorused.

“Okay!”Alan said, pleased.“Now, we might have a _little_ bit of food left for dinner.”

The others laughed and went to inspect the leftovers in the bulging refrigerator while Alan cleaned up the table.

 

Several nights after _shabbat_ , the four boys were playing cards and Alan was sitting nearby, doing a crossword puzzle.Nena was already tucked in bed.

A number of games and beers in, the boys started talking about their jobs.Alan would have normally gotten up and gone elsewhere at this point, but he made himself sit there and listen.

To Alan’s surprise, they didn’t talk about gunfights or bad guys killed, rather their most memorable moments involved the rescuing of hostages, the completion of an air-tight case that got a bad guy put away for life, the cracking of uncrackable ciphers. Okay, it didn’t surprise him that Charlie was focused on the puzzles he dealt with, but Don’s favorite cases were disasters he’d prevented and kidnap victims he’d saved.Will counted his successes in drugs kept off the streets, stated in terms of user-doses.Colby focused on times of great teamwork and intuition.

After a while, the conversation turned towards close calls and near-death experiences and, at that point, Alan got up and left.

He was thoughtful, however, as he climbed up the stairs to his bedroom.Maybe he’d been making some assumptions – something Larry would chastise him for – and what he needed to do was ask direct questions.To actually ask these four men why they would devote so much of their life to death and violence.

 

The next morning, Alan tackled the easiest first.He found Charlie drinking coffee in the kitchen and asked, “Charlie, why did you decide to work for the NSA and those other guys?”

Charlie raised his eyebrows but responded, “They had the best problems, were doing the most amazing stuff.”

Alan nodded, unsurprised.“And, of course, when Don had an interesting puzzle with that first case, you couldn’t pass it by.”

“Sure, I mean, working with Don is great, but … Look, Dad, I know you believe that I don’t think about what’s done with my work, but I do.I see it as giving the Good Guys tools to fight the Bad Guys, ‘cause they’ve got smart guys, too.”Charlie smirked.“Okay, maybe not _as_ smart, but still …It’d be like forcing the cops to carry pea-shooters when the criminals have semi-automatics.”

_An interesting argument, but …_ “You’re using gun analogies now?”

Charlie shrugged.“That’s not as much an analogy as the sad truth some places.”

Alan could only nod to that and get a cup of coffee for himself.

It was the next day before Alan got a chance to ask Don.He had some guesses what Don would say, but he was trying to challenge his assumptions.

“Don,” he said, catching Don in the driveway as he arrived for dinner.“Why did you join the FBI?”

Don raised his eyebrows, looking a lot like his brother had the day before, and leaned against his car.“Well, I’d always wanted to be a cop and—”

“Why?”

“’Cause, the cops were always the Good Guys, stopping the Bad Guys from blowing up the world or whatever.And the cops seemed like, you know, regular, average guys and I thought I could do that.”

Alan nodded, although he wished Don would stop selling himself short.“And the FBI?”

“I guess I wanted the bigger cases that the FBI gets and also didn’t want to be tied down to one specific place, like a cop would be.”

“You went so fast from baseball to the FBI.”It had almost given him and Margaret whiplash, the sudden switch in their oldest son’s career.

“Yeah, I did,” Don shrugged.“Guess it was always in the back of my mind, waiting for me to give up my fantasy of making the Bigs.”

 

His two sons tackled, Alan turned to the boyfriends.He talked to Colby after they put Nena to bed that night.

Sitting down on the couch, Alan asked, “Colby, why did you join the Army?”

Colby answered promptly, like he’d expected the question.“To pay my way for college when my wrestling scholarship ended.That, and it’s sort of in my blood.Generations of my family have been in the armed forces.It seemed very natural.”

“And CID?”

“Got my degree in Criminal Justice, so it was a logical place for me to go.And I had some really good friends who were also going into CID.We made a great team.”

Colby’s jaw set. “Look, Alan, I know that some parts of the Service have gotten bad reps because of torture incidents, but I want you to know that I never participated in anything like that.My CO would have never stood for it, anyway.There were rumors, yeah, of other places, that did bad sh—stuff and if I were a better man, I would have tracked the rumors down and told somebody, but I didn’t and I regret that.”

“My team, we used mostly psychological interrogation techniques.”He gave Alan a wry grin.“My most effective one was – still is – looking and sounding like a fat-headed dumbass.People love to talk down to you if they think you’re too stupid to understand.”

Alan had to smile at that.“So why did you leave CID?”

Colby shrugged uncomfortably.“It wasn’t just a desk job.There was a … friendly fire incident and we all got honorable discharges.I joined the FBI because it was the best fit for my resume.”

 

It was the next evening before he could find a moment alone with Will.Alan was doing the dishes when Will came in to get a drink from the fridge.

“Will,” Alan asked, “Why did you join the DEA?”

Will gave him a sharp look.“Was wondering when you’d get around to me.”

Alan nodded in acknowledgement.

Will folded his arms, leaned against the counter and looked thoughtful.“Well, when I was an EMT, I kept seeing the bad effects of drug use.I wanted to do something about it, stop the dealers before it got to the users.Also, I had … a set of skills that I thought would be good in undercover work.They were hard-won skills and I thought it would make them … more palatable if I used them for good ends.”

“What skills?”

Will met his eyes squarely.“The ability to become another person, become what someone expects to see instead of what I actually am.”

Alan blinked, barely able to imagine what sort of life would force a person to learn such skills.

“That,” Will smiled disarmingly, “And a black belt in Aikido.It’s largely a defensive art, so I might as well get into something where people are always trying to kill me.”

Will’s smile brought out a responding smile from Alan.

“Do you ever regret it?” Alan asked.

“Oh sure, but the days I regret it are fewer than the ones I don’t.When that changes, it’ll be time to find a new job.”

“You said ‘when,’ not ‘if.’You think it will change?” Alan said curiously.

Will smiled softly and looked down at his hands, holding two beers.“Since I met your son, a lot of things have changed.One of them is my willingness to disappear from sight for weeks at a time.Having someone to come home to makes a lot of difference.”

Alan nodded, remembering Don saying the same thing to him once.

Will looked back up and met his eyes.“I wish I could tell you that there is no danger or violence in our lives, but I can’t.All I can say is that we’re all trying our hardest to work ourselves out of a job.Maybe someday there won’t be any need for the DEA anymore, but until then …”He shrugged.

“Hey, Stevens!”Don called from the other room.“We outta beer or something?”

Will grinned, a now-familiar light coming into his dark eyes.“Coming, dear!”

Alan waved him to go before Don got more impatient and Will shook his head with mock sadness and left the kitchen.

Turning back to the sink, Alan washed the dishes slowly and let his thoughts percolate.

 

For the rest of _Yamim Noraim_ , for the rest of the week until _Yom Kippur_ started on Friday night, Alan did a lot of thinking.Or perhaps thinking wasn’t the right word for it, rather he contemplated or mused, doing a great deal of staring into space, letting his mind wander wherever it wanted to go.He took his chair out to Margaret’s grave and sat quietly with her, remembering her smile, her words, her very definite opinions.

Finally, in the last hours before _Yom Kippur_ was to start, Alan was ready.He’d also decided that he was going to fast for the 25 hours required by _Yom Kippur_ , except for the no-water restriction because his doctor would kill him, so they were eating an early dinner.Alan waited until everyone had served themselves some pasta and more of Will’s excellent _challah_ , then he cleared his throat.

Everyone immediately looked at him, their faces a mixture of expectation and anxiety.Even Nena looked worried.

“I’ve been thinking,” Alan said slowly.“About a lot of things.And I … I guess I owe you boys an apology for some things I said, and thought, about you.Back in the 60s, things seemed so simple.The antidote to war was peace, the only true weapon of peace was non-violent protest.Those who perpetuated violence in the name of peace were traitors to the cause.

“But the world is a lot more complicated these days, or at least feels that way.Violence sometimes has to be defeated by violence, at least by the threat of violence.My mistake was equating the occasional need for violence with the desire for it.I realize now that every one of you would rather have a quiet day preventing death, preventing bad things, than going out and shooting people.I’ve met people in my life that loved violence, that had a deep joy of bloodshed and mayhem.Hell, some of them I’ve met at the FBI office, but you boys aren’t that.David and Megan and probably most of the rest of the people you work with aren’t that either.”

“You _are_ the Good Guys.”Alan raised his chin and met all of their eyes, one by one.“I’m ashamed that I ever thought otherwise.”

Blowing out a breath, he nodded to himself, thinking that he hadn’t said it too bad, and waited for their reactions.

Don reached over and squeezed his hand.“With you and Mom, we could hardly turn out anything but Good Guys.”

“Yeah,” Charlie said from the other side of the table.“And with you and Mom as our template, we could hardly choose any partners but more Good Guys.”

Alan squeezed Don’s hand back, overwhelmed that it had taken him so long to arrive at those simple truths.

There was a general snuffling and shifting in chairs until Nena said plaintively, “I wanna be a Good Guy, too!”

Everyone laughed, a sound of released tension as much as amusement.

“You are,” Alan said with a smile.“No doubt about it.”

“Oh, good,” Nena said.“Then can I haf a toy gun for Chrissmas?”

The others froze and looked at Alan.

He shook his head, but with resignation, not disapproval.“I think you need to talk to your Daddy about that.You know, your Uncle Don had a special toy gun when he was a boy.”

“Really?”Nena said with big eyes.“Did Unka Don haf a pony, too?”

Alan laughed and everyone else followed, the tension truly dissipating this time. “Our yard isn’t big enough for a pony,” he said.“He just ran around, yelling, ‘giddyup!’”

“I don’t remember this,” Don protested and everyone laughed again.

The rest of the meal went by easily, a sense of relief filling the room and spilling out in each person’s words and gestures.They were back to where they were before the gun lesson – no, they were better than that.Not only had Alan faced some deep-seated issues about his sons’ jobs – as a family, they’d faced a crisis and shown they could survive it.Alan knew that they’d face new crises in the future, but now they knew they could get past it – forgive and move on.

Alan smiled to himself, listening to the comfortable flow of conversation as they made plans for how to spend the weekend.He took a sip of grape juice, then waited for someone to take a breath so he could put in his two cents.

After supper was over, Alan stood up.“Candle lighting is next, but after that – if someone else could do dishes, I need to get to the evening service.”

“Should we go get changed?” Colby asked.

“No, no,” Alan said quickly.“ _Yom Kippur_ prayer services are really long.Don’t worry about it.You’ve all gone above and beyond what I could have asked for.I’ll go for the family.”

Colby tried to hide his relief but Alan could see it.There was relief on the rest of the faces, too.He smiled in understanding and got out the candles for the special _Yom Kippur_ lighting.

 

Late the next morning, Alan was sitting in the synagogue, following along to the reading of the _Torah_ , when Don slipped in beside him.Alan looked over in surprise to see his oldest son in a suit and wearing a simple _kippah_ , or Jewish skullcap.Alan himself wore a _kippah_ while in the synagogue but hadn’t required anyone else in the family to do so.

Alan leaned over, very close to Don’s ear, and whispered, “Why are you here?”

Don gave him a small smile.“Why not?”

A shushing sound came from the people behind them and Alan had to be content with that answer.In truth, he was glad to see Don here.After the _Torah_ reading finished, would be _Yizkor_ , the memorial prayer service.He hadn’t been to one since Margaret had died.He knew exactly how Margaret would react to that fact – one of her wry smiles and a shaking of her head with mixed sadness and amusement.

When it came time to read _Yizkor_ , Alan murmured the opening verses with the rest of the congregation, Don included.Then came the part where the dead were mentioned by name.When Alan said, “ _Ishti_ Margaret _bat_ Jakob,” he felt an unexpected lifting in his heart. A lifting of the weight that he had forgotten he’d held, that he’d carried for so long that it had made him walk stooped over, like an old man, looking at the world with a crooked neck and believing that was normal.

He took a deep breath, the air rushing to fill his lungs, flowing into corners that hadn’t tasted oxygen since Margaret had died.The pain was still there, the weight still in his heart, but his shoulders unbent and he looked straight ahead for the first time in years.He continued the prayer, but it had already done its task, at least for him.He looked over at Don and smiled.Don smiled back, as if he too could see the change in his father.

The smile still lingering on his face, Alan turned back towards the front, spoke the next section of the prayers, and hoped that Will had something good planned for his breaking-the-fast meal.

  
  


* * *

A reminder [what the havdalah set looks like](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/UDAHavdalla.jpg) and [a havdalah candle](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i182/irena_adler/LJ/HV-BW-RND.jpg).


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